Imagine the following scenario:
Jessica is attending a holiday party for her new office. In preparation for the event, she makes an appointment at a hair salon and the stylist convinces her to try a new cut and color. The results are nothing short of spectacular. In spite of her anxiety about attending the event, she feels good about her appearance on the evening of the party. As she walks in the room, a fellow colleague greets her and immediately says, "I love your new hairstyle!" Embarrassed by the attention, Jessica looks down at her feet and says nothing for a few seconds. Eventually she replies, "I guess it's OK. I'm not really sure if the length suits me."
If you suffer from social anxiety disorder (SAD), you probably have a hard time gracefully accepting a compliment let alone giving a compliment. If someone comments on something good you did a work, you may be dismissive and say that anyone could have done it, or that it wasn't really that hard, even if you put a lot of effort into a project. The problem with these types of responses is that you are putting yourself down in the process. In essence, you are saying that you don't value your work, your appearance, your home, or whatever you are being complimented about.
How should you respond to compliments? The rules of accepting a compliment are simple.
- Say thank you. Thank you is enough, even if you can't think of anything else to say. Try not to pause too long before saying thank you or the other person will wonder if you really mean it.
- If you can think of one, add a positive comment, such as, "I put a lot of effort into this project," or, "I spent a long time choosing the color scheme for this room."
- When possible, return the compliment with a comment such as, "I really appreciate that coming from you because I respect your opinion so much."
- To take it one step further, use a conversation opener such as "I've been meaning to ask you how you would have handled..." or "I wanted to ask your opinion about..."
So, how could Jessica have responded better to her colleague's compliment? Her response could have gone something like this:
"Thank you, I really like the style too -- I just had it done. I really appreciate the compliment coming from you, your hair always looks amazing. Who is your hair stylist?"
Source:
Trunk P. Brazen Careerist: The New Rules for Success. New York: Business Plus; 2007.
