From the article: Avoidance Behaviors
Avoidance behaviors, in the context of social anxiety disorder, are those things you do, or avoid doing, to manage anxiety about social and performance situations. For example, if you have speech anxiety you might drop a class (avoidance), refuse to look at the audience when speaking (partial avoidance), or leave the room in the middle of a speech (escape). What are some of the things you have done to avoid the anxiety of social and performance situations? Share Your Experiences
alone in a crowd
- Hi, I'm 49 female. I use to say "sorry I can't" or "sorry I have plans". The only real plans I had were to run and hide. Now days no one asks, because I have almost no contact to the outside world. I avoid my life. I too felt like I never fit in and was never good enough as I was growing up. I have always sweated in front of people. I'm not fat, just so nervous that I can feel the sweat rolling down the side of my arms. I can't wear any color of clothing I want, I have to wear white or black to hide it. I relate to all of you. Finally I fit in somewhere.
- —avoidcathy
Nowhere to run..
- I was once in a concert and I was to take the lead. Although I knew what I was doing I decided to risk it then, not knowing what exactly was wrong with me or why I could sing sonoriously in the bathroom but had my throat constrict devilishly and could barely remember up to the third line when I stood before my choir....Eventually that concert was a mega disaster for my church and I. My only saving grace since I couldn't run away from the stage was that there was a massive technical fault so most of the blame was put on the tech guys.....but I knew better.
- —Guest
asocial?
- In the last few months I've become more of a "recluse". My work requires that I travel and when I'm not at work I prefer to stay in my motel room. I even do my laundry in the tub so I don't have to go to a laundromat. I don't want to be around people. I buy sandwich material and drinks to keep in a cooler so I don't have to go out to eat and when I do it's usually drive thru McDonalds. Do I have a quirk? I didn't feel this way until maybe a year ago and I'm getting worse, slowly.
- —Guest Lobo
Left Out
- I'm a 47 yr old man who recently learned that SAD is the condition that I suffer from. At the age of 13 I began to think I was weird, by 15 I wanted to die. I have severe anxiety attacks whenever I think about approaching a woman I'm attracted to or when one approaches me. I am a fairly attractive man whom women flirt with constantly. Once when in High School a girl that I absolutely adored approached me, she asked to borrow my ink pen wrote her phone no. on a piece of paper and handed it to me. I lost control of my breathing, started shaking and nearly passed out. I learned to hate myself, not knowing I suffer from a mental disorder. I was clueless and turned to drugs and alcohol to ease the loneliness and isolation. I went to AA to get help, unfortunately I've only maintained sobriety 2 yrs here 2 yrs there, always relapsing. I have many ways to disguise or hide this condition, avoidance is one. I've experienced two relationships both lasting 2yrs. I didn't have the skills to deal.
- —Guest Leon
Experiences
- I am a 14 year old male, and I would like to also like to share a few things. I have a variety of things, plus a form of Anxiety. I have ADHD, Asperger's Syndrome and EDA. I hate social interaction, I cannot make new friends. I am bad with small-talk and phone calls, and only speak to really close friends and family. I don't enjoy school, because when I am encouraged to stand up in class and read something out or just read something in general, I can't get my brain in gear and stop myself from feeling nervy, plus the fear of messing up. The worst part is, due to my Asperger's, I dislike loud noises, and when I have someone constantly going on at me that discourages me to be socially interactive, because of the fear of the situation possibly repeating itself. I hate that people are so judgemental towards me and think that because I can't take a joke or understand an individuals understanding via their actions, they consider me as different. If no one can accept me for me, I have no time.
- —Guest Ben Mason
I Identify with all these comments
- All of these comments are very similar to my own experiences. I am a little better because of listening to Dr. Richards CDs but I still find myself uncomfortable to go out to the mailbox if people are walking by or my neighbor is out. I have avoided many things that may cause serious consequences for me. For example, I moved but still have not gone in to change my license. I avoid taking care of things like calling people or answering the phone-even for people I know. I have to talk myself into going almost anywhere even trips to Wal-Mart are difficult. I've gone a total of 5 times this year. I've worked in the past but never built a successful career because it just took up too much energy to be around people so I took lowly jobs and worked part-time. I have a long way to go but it is hard to get help with this problem and mostly I want my son to get help because he suffers from it and he is young so he has a chance to have a real life. I feel like it is too late for me.
- —Guest Cindy
I avoid almost everything!
- I will avoid contact with people at almost any cost! Even my family. I quit my job last year & am now delivering newspapers at night so I don't have to have much contact with anyone. By the time I get finished & people are getting up, I go back home, walk my dog and we go back to bed. I can sleep up to 20 hours a day if possible. It's really awful. I also avoided getting help, but when my son was diagnosed with schizophrenia I knew that if I didn't help myself, I couldn't help him. Even though he is 18 now, he still needs constant care, but I can't really give it to him all the time so he stays with me some and with my parents some. I found a clinic to go to & the Dr. there was absolutly horrible. He yelled at me because I told him he wasn't right about an observation he had about me. Told me to come back in 2 months because I wasn't ready for help. Can you imagine how hard it is now to reach out. I have appt. w/ new Dr. next month finally. I'll be sick w/ fear until then.
- —stacenator
Red Face
- I go bright red whenever I speak during seminars at university. I can relate to a lot of the experiences other people have described though I've tried really hard to combat my social anxiety. Throwing yourself into the fire is the hard part but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. That's not to say that I still don't suffer. A few years ago, I left my best friend's 18th birthday party because I was surrounded by people I'd never met and assumed they didn't like me. When I play at open mic nights, I keep my eyes firmly on the guitar and avoid looking up. I've taken different, longer routes home to avoid the possibility of bumping into people. It's improved since I've come to university and forced myself to do things that make me feel uncomfortable but I still struggle.
- —Guest Gary
feeling trapped
- I beg.having severe soc anx as a teen I gave a book report once and got bright red and shook so bad the whole class laughed. I ran out and never did again. I quit school. All of my jobs were severely effected. I couldnt go to parties like Avon tupperware or where there were groups without extreme anxiety. If I did I stayed in the background acting like the good hostess keeping busy so that no one would talk to me and everyone look at me. Sitting down at a meal with friends and even family kept my stomach in knots. If in these situations someone did single me out I would make a very quick response and pass the attention on to someone else or act like I had to run to the bathroom. I have made a complete fool out of myself numerous times and then I'd cry for days afterward. Once I was in a grocery store and a couple came from behind and said Hi..I went into complete panic, beet red, heart pounding, sweating..felt trapped. In stores I now look up and down the aisles to avoid anyone I know.
- —Lindamariefi
Avoiding social situations
- As far I've gone to avoid social situations was at first skipping school in high school. At first it was a one class at a time, and then it lead up to missing one certain course altogether, for months at a time, and then the enivitable dropping out of school altogether. The sad thing was that I actually enjoyed the work to some extent, but I just became totally overwhelmed by the whole social side of it. I also found teachers would pick on me more often thinking that I was not at all interested. Dating has always been a major issue for me also. I have a very hard time meeting new people, because of standards that I set for myself. These unrealistic standards also reflect on the way I judge other people. I've pretty much avoided dating altogether for the last 10 years. I find this a very frustrating and debilitating disease.
- —Guest JoJo
avoiding
- I would say hello and walk away quickly. I feel I didn't fit in with my family I was the oldest and my father was very strict with me and always blamed me for anything my younger sister did. Also I feel my mother should have enrolled me in dance or girl scouts that would have helped.
- —f.demonte
avoidance
- In 1997, I attended a manager course. During the training, I took the initiative to conduct a briefing. However, when I gave my presentation, after a while I found my brain empty with fear. Finally, I could not finish my duty. I felt disappointed. Thereafter, I feared public speaking in front of people because I feared the same incident would occur. Later, I found I did not even want to write anything in front of people as I found my heart and hands unstable, which was outside my control. I gradually avoided social gatherings, in particular gatherings involving eating food. Philip
- —philipchoi
just saying 'sorry, i can't'......
- i am a 54 yr. old woman and for the most part, have just said 'no thanks' i can't make it, have 'never' been able to stand in front of people and speak, have been asked to lead a meeting and even after almost 20 yrs. of sobriety, have not been able, at least in my mind, to do this or even 'share' in a meeting. when i did go to a.a. or n.a. meetings, i would make sure i went to the meetings where no one 'called on you' so i would not have to be embarassed and 'decline'...they frown on that. i actually, don't know how to get along in most situations or in a crowd. i 'could' work and did but when someone got close or said 'hey, maybe we can ...whatever..i would say no thanks often enough that the invitations stopped coming. i have a 'few' close friends who i am more at ease with but if more people are added to the mix, i can get very anxious, have to leave or at least, leave the room for a while and then try to come back. i think mine comes from not fitting in my own family as a kid.
- —Guest donnie
