Anxiety Social Anxiety Disorder Treatment and Therapy 5 Tips for Opening Up to a Therapist When You Have Social Anxiety We know it sounds like a catch-22, but there's hope! By Arlin Cuncic, MA Arlin Cuncic, MA Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology. Learn about our editorial process Updated on September 12, 2023 Medically reviewed Verywell Mind articles are reviewed by board-certified physicians and mental healthcare professionals. Medical Reviewers confirm the content is thorough and accurate, reflecting the latest evidence-based research. Content is reviewed before publication and upon substantial updates. Learn more. by Carly Snyder, MD Medically reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD Carly Snyder, MD is a reproductive and perinatal psychiatrist who combines traditional psychiatry with integrative medicine-based treatments. Learn about our Medical Review Board Print Tashdique Mehtaj Ahmed / Getty Images Table of Contents View All Table of Contents Why Social Anxiety Can Make Going to Therapy Super Hard 5 Tips for Opening Up to Your Therapist When You Have Social Anxiety Trending Videos Close this video player It can be hard to talk openly with a therapist if you have social anxiety disorder (SAD). The reason that you are going to therapy is that you are afraid of people; and yet therapy requires you to open up and share your innermost feelings with a complete stranger. What a conundrum right? Particularly for those with generalized SAD, therapy may initially be as difficult as the social situations that you fear.It is a catch-22 that's pretty unique to people who get anxious in social situations. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to help get more comfortable opening up to your therapist. At a Glance For those of us with social anxiety disorder, it can be really nerve-wracking socializing with others. But it might be even more difficult to open up to a therapist. Sure, therapy is a safe space but we're required to share our innermost thoughts with a total stranger. That's rough! The good news is that there are some ways to make getting vulnerable with your therapist even if you have social anxiety. Why Social Anxiety Can Make Going to Therapy Super Hard Many people who enter therapy for the first time may have trouble opening up. This problem may be particularly severe for those with social anxiety because: You may find it hard to confide in your therapist You may be afraid to appear vulnerable, and your inability to trust someone else enough to open up could become a barrier to the successful completion of therapy You may even feel like quitting, or actually quit going to sessions. Unfortunately, this problem plagues many who suffer from social anxiety. In addition, many people are too ashamed to tell their therapist how they are feeling, and so the anxiety is never resolved. So what can be done to alleviate this anxiety? 5 Tips for Opening Up to Your Therapist When You Have Social Anxiety It is not an impossible situation. Below are some tips to help you better cope with opening up in therapy. Give It Time to See If You and Your Therapist Are a Good Match Finding a therapist you connect with is a lot like dating. Compatibility and shared values are often a must. How can you talk to someone you can't relate to? You can't. So, take a few sessions to see if you and your therapist really hit it off. The first session isn't always a good indication and you might get more comfortable with your therapist over time. Do a Vibe Check In some cases though, you may need to break up with your therapist—and that's OK! Good therapeutic rapport leads to better therapeutic outcomesso it's in your best interest to make sure the vibe is right. Ask yourself these questions to see if it's a good match or not: Is my therapist warm and friendly? Does my therapist encourage me or intimidate me? Is my therapist knowledgeable about social anxiety or do they dismiss my concerns? Do I feel good when I talk to them? How do I feel after a therapy session? Do I feel like I've been heard/validated? Does my therapist seem to "get" me? Does my therapist let me speak freely? Why a Therapeutic Alliance Is Important in Therapy Write Down What You Want to Say On Paper If you find it easier to share feelings on paper than in person, consider writing down how you feel before a session and giving it to your therapist. Expressing your feelings in writing is a good way to initially feel safer in therapy, and may help you to more easily engage with your therapist as treatment progresses. What you write is up to you. It could be a list of topics to talk about, a journal of your thoughts for the week, or even a full letter explaining how you feel in detail. Try This Tip! If you feel uncomfortable watching someone read what you have written, consider emailing it to your therapist before the session. Consider Giving Online Therapy a Shot Online therapy is becoming more popular and for good reason: the ability to talk to someone in an email or chat format about personal issues instead of in person is appealing to many. For those with social anxiety, it may be a better introduction to therapy than face-to-face encounters. For those who have started in-person therapy and quit prematurely because of anxiety, online therapy may be a particularly good alternative. Ultimately, engaging in online therapy may make it easier to eventually speak to a therapist in person. The 9 Best Online Therapy Programs Join a Peer Support Group Although it may seem counter-intuitive to seek help in a group setting when you are afraid of people, peer support groups have many advantages for those with social anxiety. In peer support groups, we have the option of sitting and listening quietly without speaking. We'll get the chance to hear about how others have also been afraid to open up in therapy and how they overcame this obstacle. FYI: If you do decide to join a peer support group, make sure that it is one that is for people with social anxiety or that the group is sensitive to the challenges of people with social anxiety. It Might Be Time to Admit Your Anxiety to Your Therapist If you have given it time, and you believe that your therapist is a good fit for you, it may be time to confess how you are feeling. Whether you do this in writing, by email, or in person is up to you. Feel free to explain how your social anxiety it making it difficult for you to really open up. Your therapist's job is to help you work through these issues, and it is important that they know what you are really feeling. You may be surprised at how telling the truth about your anxiety in therapy makes it easier to open up. What This Means For You Although opening up in therapy is never easy for those with SAD, the rewards of doing so can be great. Find a therapist that you trust, give it enough time, write things down when you feel the need, and try to be as honest as you can about your feelings. Doing so will make the most of your time in therapy. How Client-Centered Therapy Works 4 Sources Verywell Mind uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts within our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we fact-check and keep our content accurate, reliable, and trustworthy. Understand the facts. Social anxiety disorder. Anxiety and Depression Association of America. Totura CMW, Fields SA, Karver MS. The Role of the Therapeutic Relationship in Psychopharmacological Treatment Outcomes: A Meta-analytic Review. Psychiatr Serv. 2018;69(1):41-47. doi:10.1176/appi.ps.201700114 Krijnen-de bruin E, Muntingh ADT, Hoogendoorn AW, et al. The GET READY relapse prevention programme for anxiety and depression: a mixed-methods study protocol. BMC Psychiatry. 2019;19(1):64. doi:10.1186/s12888-019-2034-6 Goodman, K. Escaping the web of anxiety: the most effective treatment for anxiety disorders. Anxiety and Depression Association of America. By Arlin Cuncic, MA Arlin Cuncic, MA, is the author of The Anxiety Workbook and founder of the website About Social Anxiety. She has a Master's degree in clinical psychology. See Our Editorial Process Meet Our Review Board Share Feedback Was this page helpful? Thanks for your feedback! What is your feedback? Helpful Report an Error Other Submit