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Readers Respond: What is it like to live with SAD?

Responses: 299

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Updated June 11, 2009

How do I dig myself out?

Over the past 2 years I have felt like everyone is talking about me behind my back, bad things, or making fun of me. I feel like I can't be myself in social situations in case I make a fool of myself or do something which might make someone talk about me behind my back. Everything feels negative, it all seems so fake, like if I'm talking to someone it gets awkward because I'm over thinking my response so I don't seem ''un cool'' I'm 24 I used to have lots of friends but we all drifted apart after they all had children. I have a few ''fairweather'' friends but I don't know how to make TRUE friends anymore? Like the kind of friendships which are for life? Who you can talk to about anything and not be judged... how do I make people like me? Or am I too old now? I don't know, I hate this.
—Guest kate

lifetime coper

I've had this problem for as long as I remember. I remember first suffering from it when I was 9 years and entering the 4th grade. I had previously been in special ed classes due to a learning disorder, but then I was being placed into a normal classroom and I remember before walking in that I thought it would not go well. From that point on it did not go well for me and still has not to this day and that was 25 years ago. As you can imagine I don't deal well with people. I'm an emotional wreck usually daily and get upset very easily and am not a success in my career. I'm not even sure I'm doing what I should be doing career wise. I only know I've studied accounting the longest and was good at it in high school and college and I don't have to deal with the public, something I really struggle excessively with. People do not understand most of the time. They just know I'm odd and that there is something off about me. They also think I need help no matter what I do.
—emccree08

I Can't

Well, my friends all made new and better friends. They're always telling me to make new friends but I just can't I really can't... :,( I can't even hang around their friends because they make me feel like I'm not worthy..
—Guest J

:(

I started feeling there was something wrong with me in January last year. I used to be outgoing, chatty and love meeting people the same age as me. I'm 14 this year. Recently, I had a camp during the december holidays last year and I was super excited to go. But everything turned upside down. I was grouped with my seniors. We had a lot of fun activities but I enjoyed none of them. I felt so depressed and conscious of myself. I was afraid to be myself because I didn't want people to judge and critisize me. I was angry and ashamed of myself for being so stupid and shy. I feel like I have no right to have fun and be myself. Because everytime I do, people will give me weird looks that will make me feel as though I did something wrong. I'm also scared that when I'm so hype up in front of them, I would make a fool of myself and people will hate me for who I am. After I do something, inoften I have thoughts like "Oh no, they will talk behind my back cos of tt" or "omg I shouldnt have donett
—Guest worthless anonymous

rimini

Hi I was wondering if any one else suffers with this problem I suffer with really bad anxiety but I don't get it all the time I get it most worth if I'm sitting in a room with people it doesn't matter who they are I will just sadly go red and start panicking I couldn't go to school because of it and find it hard to interact with people. I'm 18 years old and really don't want this all through my life I so conscious people are looking at me and I'm going red please help :(
—Guest rimini

I can't do this anymore

I hate this feeling, I always feel everyone's laughing at me or talking about me. I never want to get up and walk during class because people will stare at me or something will be wrong with my clothes or hair. I'm beyond shy. People will ask to hang out with me and I wont because I feel like they wont like me or I wont talk and it'll be awkward. I've lost many friends and possibly boyfriends doing this, I'm so worried about what people think and say about me, it's making me depressed. I don't know what to do anymore :(
—Guest unknown

All my life

Hello my name is Dashawn Davis I am 15 almost 16 in high school. Ever since I could remember I suffered from SAD. When I would go to school I would act weird to keep people from seeing how I feel or I would stay away from people. I was not a very popular kid and today I'm still not popular for what I do. I'm in high school I thought things would change and now people want to fight me for it and I wish I could tell people what I'm going through but I don't think they would understand. The only time I don't think people are trying to get in my head is when I'm on my iPod with my music but then I steel feel uncomfortable. Now I'm starting to realize that I do it with my family too I feel that other people are keeping me from being myself but I know it's just me blocking people. The times when I'm alone in the house are the times when I can be myself because there is no one there to talk about me or what I do. I'm really a good guy but I wish I could show people that. I wish I could get help.
—Guest My life

Just try

I will try to just discipline myself... I'm 16 and I'm so damn tired of this .... I'm so tired i don't even care what lazy is and I will try until it is my daily routine with some side improvements so my life wouldn't be so sad. I literally don't care anymore nor about any gayish treatments that may work, I will just do it and accomplish something I never done in several months so I can live normally again. I don't have a strong will but you always have to try different methods.
—Guest Herp a derp

The first time I'm ever admitting this.

Hey everyone, well I'm 16 and from America. I've been verbally bullied every day since fourth grade after my best friend moved away. I didn't realize what effect it had on me until high school arrived. Along with SAD, I also have untreated depression, many family problems, numerous medical problems that aren't easy to pinpoint physically; epilepsy, rotated hips, major pronation, scoliosis, TMJ, POS, and high testosterone. Everyday I feel like somebody is going to jump me, and when I hear people laugh behind me, I feel paranoid. I'm paranoid with everything and everyone. I have trouble making friends and friends tend to leave me. I've lost almost all of my friends and it's like nobody really understands everything I'm going through these past two and a half years. I either feel like people are treating me terribly or I'm the terrible person, so I don't know who's ever at fault. However, after reading some of these posts, I'm glad I'm not alone in this.
—Guest Andrea

I understand y'all

Hey well my story is similar, I'm a 20 year old guy who fell victim to bullying in my childhood & early teens which are the years I believe we are most sensitive and kinda figuring our selfs out. I remember being very social during the time I was getting bullied. I saw bullying as normal. It wasn't till my senior year were I came to realize how much bullying had affected me I was extremely shy quiet would blush for no reason self conscious about every little thing felt like an outcast like I didn't belong. Like I wasn't enough SAD ruined a lot of opportunities for me..and I am still trying to conquer my fears...I don't even like calling it "SAD" it's self shame. Look within you and ask yourself what it is you are ashamed of. You'll know what's holding you back. Also DO NOT OVER ANALYZE/ AVOID/HIDE/or make excuses...face your fears!! It's not gonna go away over night but if you accept yourself all of who you are, you will get through this. Just love yourself
—Guest Just me

I HATE IT

My story is just the same with everyone of you. But the problem with me is that I always feel defenseless. It makes me feel lesser of a man. I was also doing good in high school but when someone in school called me gay. I begun to question myself, am I really gay. The thing is I'm the type of kid who is very shy, and demure when I move, it's because I'm shy and afraid whether someone is looking at me. But I'm not gay really. But I admire men who are confident, and I want to be like them, whenever I do something. I always think of them, it's like I'm comparing myself to them is it gay?
—Guest SAD guy

I honestly dont want to live like this

It's crazy how I think that everyone is staring at me. I'm 14 in high school and SAD is controlling me. I haven't hung out with someone regularly in about 3 years. Nor have I been in a relationship.
—Guest mads

Very upsetting

I'm a 19 year old male from Canada and SAD is affecting me in every negative way possible. I was always one of the more popular people until I switched high schools 2 years ago, then I started getting really nervous around anyone. I now over analyze every situation to this day and every time I go out I'm fearful of people judging me, looking at me thinking I'm weird, etc. The hardest part about it is not knowing if your friends/family know about your illness, because when you hide it is how it gets worse. I haven't figured out what to do yet and I need to do something about this soon it's honestly ruining my life, and I have potential to do great things but this is has been a major setback for a while now. I cant even talk to my best friends or family the same anymore and a million things are going thru my head each second. It seems like I'm living just to get by and it's really getting to me because you have only one life to show what you can do and I haven't been able to do anything lately.
—Guest ryan

what to do

I used to be pretty, thin, young and extremely popular. Now I'm old, fat, alone, and insecure about every damn thing. I use to have it all at one time. I had friends all over the world. My phone use to ring nonstop. Now I never talk on the phone nor do I go out ANYWHERE. And check this out, I don't surf any social media website for fear or being viewed as a joke.
—Guest friendless

F*ck it!

I really don't think I have SAD, I realize I've done this to myself, but I just can't stop from thinking about it.I'm a guy (20 yo.), I have really clear principles and beliefs but at the same time I'm always falling short of my own standards. I know how I could and should be in social situations, but just knowing the fact that I'm not so I try to say the perfect things, act cool but realize I'm not acting naturally and then it all goes south, I avoid meaningful conversations, become really nervous about my movements and most of the time just do nothing. This has been going on for quite a while now and I just feel incapable of doing basic things. I hate living in fear, I'd love to go back and say clearly what I feel. I always analyze my problems and try to make up a way to correct them, but this makes it even worse, as I am constantly thinking about my mistakes. I know I could be a lot more than I currently am, but I feel that I really need a fresh start.
—Guest Andras

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